This will, I’m sure, bring forth an unending stream of tears from your eyes when you read it. So, please consider yourselves forewarned. I cannot be held responsible for how this news makes you react.
Ann Coulter doesn’t like Donald Trump very much anymore, and she’s being more and more publicly vocal about it.
It started with the government shutdown. Obviously Coulter and Trump were on the same team at that point because they were both shucking and jiving for the border wall. Ann wants the wall because she thinks that’s how America will maintain its fragile grip on white nationalism and supremacy. Trump wants the wall because it will make millions of people worship him like he wishes his first born daughter worshiped his little toadstool. So when the government closed down at the end of 2018 over funding for the wall, one could hear Coulter’s labia moisten from a hundred floors below sea level…in a bunker.
But then…oh, but then…the government re-opened. Trump had caved. In exchange for three weeks of government funding, the president got exactly nothing. That sent Coulter into an anti-Trump fit. The woman who wrote a book she titled — without a drop of irony — “In Trump We Trust” — started lashing out and bashing Trump publicly. She started on Twitter, and then really let him have it on Bill Maher’s HBO show last weekend, calling herself a “stupid girl” for being duped by Trump’s wall’s promises, and in the process marking a historic moment in time wherein I actually agree with words coming out of her mouth.
Then Ann got in a row with Newt Gingrich in conservative media. Apparently Ann didn’t take kindly to ol’ Wandering Dick Gingrich choosing Trump’s side in the border wall shutdown fight. Ann took to Twitter and assailed Gingrich with tweet after tweet, finding more and more ways to insinuate he was kissing Trump’s imperial ring, among other things. It was thing of beauty, watching that meltdown, because in a fight between Ann Coulter and Newt Gingrich, I root for sudden, spontaneous, dual-combustion, or a micro-targeted outbreak of the Bubonic plague.
If there was any doubt heading into this weekend if Classic Tomi Lahren had forgiven her former tangerine-tinted savior, those questions were easily put to bed by an interview Ann did with Yahoo! News. In it, Ann calls Trump a “lunatic” that she and her fellow Trumpists only put in power for one reason — to build the wall he promised them.
I mean, she’s not wrong. Trump is, most assuredly a lunatic. I don’t think you can call someone who stares right at a solar eclipse to “own the libs” anything else but some form of “lunatic.” But it’s pretty striking to see Ann completely table any pleasantries about a man she built up a messiah to the unwashed, inbred masses. She wasn’t done though, she really let Trump have it. She assessed his performance on the shutdown fight as “lazy,” and I don’t even think that’s the part of the interview that will piss Trump off most.
It’s the fact that Ann said he could — and should — be primaried from the right if he doesn’t get the border wall built. That is a direct threat to Trump, because Trump knows that without the Coulter Cult, he’d never had made it past the primaries, and now she’s openly taunting him with supporting some other, more racist candidate.
This is significant because even though Ann wasn’t able to see through Trump’s carnival barking persona — or at least that’s the story she’s going to tell, because we all know her craven, cynical nature is such that she very likely saw through him but wanted to ride his orange coattails to more book sales. The fact that one of Trump’s loudest supporters among the conservative screeching commentary class — the media personalities that actually dictate the GOP’s political future — was willing to not only criticize, but to insult him means that the bloom is very, very far off that rose.
I also like that Coulter is basically begging Trump to allow herself to forego her own principles. In order to build the wall she wants, Trump will most certainly have to employ eminent domain, which means the federal government literally taking away people’s property from them. Imagine if Obama had said he wanted to take people’s homes, sell them, and then use that money to fund Obamacare. He’d have been rightly drummed out of office before the sun went down on the first day he made his proposal.
Of course, the president still has and will always have his loyal group of followers. I just saw someone I know, who is a Trump supporter, post a meme that said, basically, “I hope Russia tricks me into voting for Trump again.” These kinds of people are the ones who still, to this day, think Nixon was cheated out of his second term. They’re the ones who claim the Constitution is Godly, but are so very willingly to hand over their democratic powers so someone can autocratically demand a racist border wall. So Coulter won’t convince them to abandon Trump, and she might stick with him if he uses his emergency powers to start building the wall, so maybe this is all more sound and fury signaling nothing.
For now though, I will revel in the feud that is Ann Coulter vs. Trumpers. You gotta cling to the little things you can in times like these.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.