Trump’s Morning Tweet Storm Confuses Checks and Balances with ‘Presidential Harassment’

One of the first things we teach kids about our system of government is that it has three branches, and that none of the branches are more powerful than the other, though all three can serve as “checks and balances” against the other two. Apparently, no one on President Chunky McMoron’s staff told him what it would look like if one branch — or in this case, one half of one branch — didn’t belong to his party, and instead, was able to wield its power of oversight with legitimacy and urgency to ensure he’s actually being a president, and not a self-dealing, self-evident trust fund racist fraud and conman who spends most of his presidential agenda on “executive time.”

If Trump does know about how our government works, his tweet rage this morning is particularly stupid. Which is saying a lot, because the man starts nearly every day with a tirade of titanic thick-headedness. Basically, despite yesterday having a sarcastic reaction to the news that Rep. Adam Schiff — Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee — would be expanding congressional probes into Trump’s finances and business dealings, it’s clear as a bell now that he’s had time to think about what it will mean if Schiff uses his congressional subpoena power and brings it to bear on Trump and his kids, because oh boy did he lash out on Twitter this morning about it.

Why would Schiff do this? Because the founders, flawed as they were on so many subjects, at least understood the need for Congress to be able to investigate if a president is truly acting on the best interests of the American people, and upholding his oath of office. Checks and balances are a vital part of our system of government, and it seems to me, silly as I might be, that a president who screams and moans and wails about them so much looks like he’s trying to hide something from congress, and, effectively, the American people. But what do I know?

ALSO: Slow Presidenting Day: Trump Tweeted 13 Times In 3 Hours

Yesterday, Trump was asked about Schiff’s decision to expand the congressional inquiry into Russian interference in the 2016 election, and he sarcastically dismissed it, calling Schiff a “political hack.” Overnight, something must’ve triggered in his adderall-abused brain, because he went off as soon as he woke up, found his iPhone, and headed to his Royal Tweeting Throne, to take his morning dump, I can only assume.

First, Trump blasts Schiff and (very incorrectly) states that no evidence of collusion with Russia has been found. The multiple indictments that Robert Mueller’s team has brought against former Trump staffers and lawyers makes that a laughable statement. As much as the right can claim that nothing Mueller’s gotten anyone on so far has anything to do with Russian collusion — that’s a) patently false and b) not remotely the point. We learned with Watergate that the cover up is often worse than the crime, and it would appear that Mueller’s building a pretty rock solid campaign finance and resulting obstruction of justice case, but here’s Trump’s first tweet of the day on Schiff, regardless.

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It’s really funny to me for the “Hey, Black President! Where’s your birth certificate?” Guy to be whining about presidential harassment. And considering his party spent eight years investigating every burp, sneeze, or fart that came forth from Obama or Hillary Clinton, it’s particularly stupid for him to complain about “unlimited presidential harassment.” 

One of my other favorite things to do is look at the time stamps on Trump’s tweet rages. Apparently being a septuagenarian speed freak makes it hard to focus on stringing coherent thoughts together. It took Trump a solid 13 minutes to finish this “thought.” 

I will merely once again simply point out: Benghazi. Fast & Furious. The IRS “targeting” scandal. You name it, the Republicans investigated it, if it even had the whiff of an Obama administration official. Hell, they held Eric Holder in fucking contempt of congress for chrissake. It seemed like maybe he was done crying about checks and balances because almost an hour later he was busy hypocritically knocking Democrats in Virginia for their racist shit when he told us after Charlottesville that there are good white supremacists, and his campaign was endorsed by the likes of Richard Spencer and David Duke.

But somebody on Fox & Friends must’ve mentioned his first two tweets of the day, because two minutes he later, he was back with an all-caps blast and a follow-up that assumes “PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!” is a real thing. It isn’t. We’ve established that it’s called “checks and balances” and “coequal branches of government.”

It’s amazing to me that Trump is still acting surprised and offended by what House Dems are planning. For two years, everyone knew that he was riding on the broken wind under his wings, provided by a Republican majority in both chambers of Congress. When he lost the House in sweeping, historic, truly embarrassing fashion last year, all the stuff that Republicans had abdicated — we call it “oversight” came back into play.

Donny Dumbfuck likes to use “elections have consequences” on Democrats and progressives. Apparently, and I’m sure this will shock you to your core to read it, he’s a big, fat, orange-tinted moronic hypocrite on that subject too, because with every instance of legitimate oversight he faces, he squeals more, and louder. It would be great if one lesson we learned in the Trump Era is we should have people in the Oval Office who get how the Constitution works, but considering millions of Americans legitimately thought a constitutional scholar didn’t understand its machinations, and instead thought an oft-failed, clear conman would be a better steward of it…I will not hold my breath.

One thing is certain — as much as Nixon twisted and turned, and bemoaned congressional investigations, he wasn’t able to outrun reality forever. Here’s hoping Trump’s running out of road on the same highway to hell.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.

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